Hopeful again.

Brad and I are finally trying to get pregnant.  We actually have been trying on and off since Feburary.  Off meaning, we weren't pregnant and instead of facing failure I didn't want to try again. It was a very hopeless time for me.  Brad and I wanted to start our family as soon as we got married, but because of finacial difficults, and bootcamp we put it aside.
  It was a very difficult time for me while he was at boot camp.  We had only been married for three months then he was gone.  While in bootcamp Brad wrote to me telling me to start taking clomid.  I have PCOS and the only way for me to get pregnant is God's hand and/or fertility treatments. I didn't feel right about having a baby at this time but I went in to the doctor anyway. While waiting for him in the exam room, panic over took me.  I couldn't stop thinking, "Why do I want to do this?! I've only been married for three months! I haven't even had a chance to live with my husband yet!". Panic was written all over my face when Dr. Lunt walked in. He could see it.  I wanted to run out and never look back.   He asked me if I was really wanting this and without thinking I quickly said,"No.".  He gave me my perscription for the birth control and sent me on my way.  Thank goodness for him.
 Looking back I am so thankful for waiting.  Now I am still terrified and more nervous then ever, but I know it's right.  I feel God with us in this step of our journey 100%.  It took my friend's little boy looking up at me with his fussy cries to realize, she had more hope in her eyes then I ever had in mine.   I have asked my dearest friends if they are happier now that they are mothers.  All of them have said, yes.  I am hopeful that with God's loving hand we will be blessed as they are and finally have hope in our eyes as well.