Hopeful again.

Brad and I are finally trying to get pregnant.  We actually have been trying on and off since Feburary.  Off meaning, we weren't pregnant and instead of facing failure I didn't want to try again. It was a very hopeless time for me.  Brad and I wanted to start our family as soon as we got married, but because of finacial difficults, and bootcamp we put it aside.
  It was a very difficult time for me while he was at boot camp.  We had only been married for three months then he was gone.  While in bootcamp Brad wrote to me telling me to start taking clomid.  I have PCOS and the only way for me to get pregnant is God's hand and/or fertility treatments. I didn't feel right about having a baby at this time but I went in to the doctor anyway. While waiting for him in the exam room, panic over took me.  I couldn't stop thinking, "Why do I want to do this?! I've only been married for three months! I haven't even had a chance to live with my husband yet!". Panic was written all over my face when Dr. Lunt walked in. He could see it.  I wanted to run out and never look back.   He asked me if I was really wanting this and without thinking I quickly said,"No.".  He gave me my perscription for the birth control and sent me on my way.  Thank goodness for him.
 Looking back I am so thankful for waiting.  Now I am still terrified and more nervous then ever, but I know it's right.  I feel God with us in this step of our journey 100%.  It took my friend's little boy looking up at me with his fussy cries to realize, she had more hope in her eyes then I ever had in mine.   I have asked my dearest friends if they are happier now that they are mothers.  All of them have said, yes.  I am hopeful that with God's loving hand we will be blessed as they are and finally have hope in our eyes as well.     

Debt Diet

We are going on a diet.  Brad's friend, Spencer loves Dave Ramsey.  He is a finacial guru.  He is an author and hosts his own radio show.  I listened to him with the boys and didn't think much of him.  I thought he is just another rich guy saying get on a debt diet.  Brad's sister, Christy owns one of his books called " The Total Money Makeover".  Brad read it in a week.  If you know Brad then you know that he hates to read so for him to read this book in record time made me want to read it too.  Until he told me,"Honey you have to read this book!"  Do you ever do that?  You watch someone doing something like skate boarding and you think, Huh I want to learn to do that too.  Then the moment you think it the person doing it tells you that you have to do it. You rebel, even though it was your first thought to try it out.  That is what I did.  As soon as he said that I HAVE to read it, I didn't want to.  Don't tell me what to do! is what I thought.  I wanted to make Brad happy though and I knew that by not reading it I would make him feel like I didn't care about his opinion.  So I started to read this book.  Best decision I ever made.  I am not done with this book all the way, but it really seems possible.  Now Dave Ramsey isn't just someone who is rich giving poor people advice.  He use to be poor.  He almost went bankrupt!  He decided one day that the only way to get rich is to ask the rich. While studying the rich, He realized that most millionaries do not live high in life, but live within their means.  Most having a four year old car, like an Impala, ahem, and have a moderate four bedroom home. What made them to be rich was them saving their money.  He tells that they saved their money to live like no one else.  Live like no one else so you can live like no one else is Dave's motto.  So for friends and family, we are going on a debt diet.  We are saving our money.  We would like your support and not your mockery.  Saying things like, "You will always have debt." or "It's just this one time."  will not work on us.  We are going to live like no one else so we can really live like no one else.  So don't be hurt if we don't go out to eat with you.  Wish us luck!

Guasping my life..

I met Brad at a perfect time in my life when I had found myself.  I was married before I met him.  It wasn't good for me..or for my ex  After 2 years of marriage we divorced.  Best decision of my life.  He is happily married with a kid.  I couldn't be more happy for him and his wife.  After our divorce though I became really depressed, even though it was the best decision for both of us.  I started going the wrong way about handling my depression.  I started partying hard core.  I didn't stop for eight months until I moved to Saint George.  Moving to Saint George was the next step I needed to a fresh beginning.  In secret, I started to go back to church.  I first went to a church next to my house. I walked in and the ward was one for all old people.  I realized that when the bishop made an announced, "The college singles ward meets at.." LOL! I laugh now, but I knew if I went back to a singles ward that would mean I would have to date.  I hadn't dated for three months.  I refused to because I needed to know what was important to me.  After a month of sneaking into other wards I finally went to the singles ward.  First day, I met boys, particularly my hometeachers.  Boy, did they try to get me to date.  They asked me if I would go on a date with their roommate.  If I wanted to go with them.  They were a little cocky.  Each time I said, No they looked stunned that someone would say no to them.  A month went by and I was working at Mcdonald's as a manager.  I was in the drive thru and this really cute guy drove through.  I told my boss, who also tried to get me to date, that I would totally go on a date with him if he asked.  My boss ran up there told the guy that and next thing I know I am on a date with my now good friend, Nolan.  Our second date was a friendly BBQ with all of his friends.  That is when I met the love of my life.  Yes..I was on date, but Brad pulled up on his motorcycle and all I could think of was, Why am I dating this guy?  I should date that guy! Two weeks later Brad and I started dating.  You should ask me about that sometime.  Our first date wasn't perfect but it was obviously perfect for us.  He is absolutely wonderful to me and perfect for me.  I think now a days with so many people breaking up and divorces happening, we forget that while our love might not be perfect they are perfect for us.  And Brad is so perfect for me.

"Guasping" life

Yes..I am married to a Guasp.  I come from a very conservative family.  Don't talk about sex..don't do this.. don't do that.  Don't hang out with people who smoke or drink or swear.  If you swear you go to hell..at least that's what I thought before I graduated and went out into the real world.  I learned that sex is fun..but should be respect and only in marriage.  That hanging out with people who smoke can make you stinky doesn't mean that they as people are stinky.  That drunk people are really funny and you don't need to drink to have fun with them.  And sometimes you just need to say shit to get the edge off of a Monday.  Now I don't cuss all the time.  Thanks to my dear husband..I only do it when I am mad..not just at him.  I remember one day in particularly saying S@#* to him. He looked at me and said, "Sarah, I don't think you should cuss.  I don't cuss because there isn't a need for it."  I immediately stopped after that.  Flash forward to after he has gotten out of boot camp with the Marine Corps, we are driving back home and all I can remember about our Bickering(I capitolized the B because it was a fight, but fight just sounds down right dirty) is that he cussed, "S*#%!"  I start cryin.  "Sarah, what is wrong with you?" Brad asks "I'm not crying because we are [Bickering].  I am crying becasue you can swear and I can't!"  He immediately stopped swearing too.  It's become so normal to just cuss here and there.  I don't mind it.. The D word, S word, A word and H word are sometimes brilliantly used.  But the F word and saying God in vain makes you look like the A word.  I would look at someone in a whole different light if they did used those words then if they didn't.  Just thinking about it.